Where the Rubber Meets the Race to Success

It’s International Women’s Day.

I’m overwhelmed with a sense of pride in my womanhood, gratitude for all the shockingly amazing women in my life and the world, and the desire to share a little nugget today.

In the current age, feminism has become very popular – trendy, even. In many ways, I think that’s wonderful – it’s important for the messages of female empowerment, positive body image, and women’s rights to become normalized to the public and integrated with mainstream culture. However, I also think that in becoming so trendy, some important parts of the message can be lost to the wayside. We then end up with a watered down version of “you do you, sis” that’s more palatable for everyone, but less potent.

I’m here to tell you that real feminism — rubber meets the road, it’s a lifestyle, not a bumper sticker feminism — isn’t always easy.

(I’m aware I am unthinkably privileged to even live in a part of the world where I have fundamental rights as a woman, not to mention the privilege afforded me as a white woman in America – but that’s not quite what I’m getting at here – please continue reading). Specifically, I’ve found that where the self-care and autonomy of choice tenants of feminist culture meet woman-to-woman relationships, the latter often suffer. That is to say, I think we have gotten so caught up in the idea of becoming self-actualized as women and living life on our own terms that we have created a culture where that is more important than supporting other women.

And I’ve got to say…that’s not what it’s all about.

In a society where we are both overtly and subliminally encouraged on every possible platform to compete with other women (for the affection of men, especially, but there are numerous other pursuits – success, societal status, accolades of beauty, etc), the most radical act of feminism we can perform is to support other women fiercely, even occasionally at our own expense or, more importantly, against our natural (or societally trained) impulse.

This means giving other women the benefit of the doubt every single time until they prove us wrong. This means walking away when you and another woman are vying for the same guy (or girl), or at the very least communicating openly with her so you can reach an agreement. This means not talking negatively about a woman in your company who you may be competing with professionally, and instead trying to reach out and form an alliance with her. This means sorting out woman-to-woman conflict directly, rather than resorting to cattiness or gossip. This means standing up for another woman even if you risk looking like a fool.

Of course, this doesn’t include putting yourself on the line for someone who has demonstrated patterns of toxic behavior, has mistreated you, etc – boundaries and self respect are key in all relationships – but the point is, don’t let the pursuit of being in your bag make you forget that other women are NOT your competition – they are your sisters. When in doubt, a little compassion goes a long way.

Happy International Women’s Day, ladies. Let’s meditate on how we can support one another today.

All my love,

Jules